Category Archives: Contradictions

“Great Expectations”

“Great Expectations”

By Laxmi Parmeswar

 I can make winners of some

While devastating few others

How and where do I first come?

Nature, self, Fathers. Mothers?

 

Look within and nurture me

In others, don’t try to find me

Use me to fulfill your dreams

Don’t give up in rocky streams

 

My relationship with performance

Sometimes grounded in substance

I can drive many to success

And destroy when in excess

 

I play a critical role in relationships

Lovers, children, family, friendships

Don’t turn me into an entitlement

It’s a sure path to disappointment

 

I help when in moderation

Treat me as a supposition

I am a sure possibility

When based in reality

 

Don’t confuse me with an aspiration

Don’t connect me to your happiness

Just use me as a simple motivation

Don’t blame me for your bleakness

 

Understand my ability to empower

On a hot day as a soothing shower

I am referred to as “an expectation”

Not a promise, just a calculation!

 

As Eli Khamarov said, “The best things in life are unexpected- because there were no expectations.”

 

The Oneness of Two

“The Oneness of Two”

By Laxmi Parmeswar

Is there a separation of “good” and “bad”, or are they just two ends on a continuum??? The concept of duality is often debated extensively in philosophy and religion but my curiosity lies in its relevance in our everyday experiences.

The “Tai Chi” principle of yin and yang can be found in all existence- natural phenomena, social order, and the human psyche. We have all been raised to accept that heads and tails are two opposite sides of the same coin, just as good and bad are.

As a child develops his/her sense of self, a distinction between good and bad is formed early.  How parents deal with the “good” AND the ‘bad’ is crucial to the child’s healthy development. Separating the behavior from the child protects the child’s core being when a ‘bad’ behavior unfolds. Providing the child a menu of options and consequences to replace ‘bad’ behaviors with “good” behaviors is crucial.

Most adults who see me for therapy (regardless of their specific problems) have internalized the following statement in varying degrees, “I am not a good person”. This core belief interferes with our ability to accept ourselves COMPLETELY with the “good” and “bad” within us.  Whether it is about accepting oneself or others, our capacity for internal solace is dependent upon our ability to integrate the contradictions in things, people and circumstances. It is about reconciling oneself to understanding the yin and the yang.

It is about accepting the oneness of two; It is about owning it, claiming it, celebrating it, living it and loving it!